Adventures of a Writer -- A Country Apart

EEK! @.@

2011-03-28T13:37:00.002-05:00

@.@ Over a year since my last post?! OH NOES!!! *headdesk* ^^;

Anyway, since my last post...I think I posted about my first trip to see my boyfriend @.@ Yes, I got up to Canada. I went TWICE!! Now I'm just waiting to see if I'm accepted to the university I want to go to there. If so I'll be moving in September.

My first tip!!

2010-03-02T17:57:00.002-06:00

Okay, so I started the waitressing job. It was SO nervewracking today, but I know I'll get better at it and it won't be as scary as time goes on. ANYWAY, today I got $16 in tips. ;3 Pretty stinkin' good for 4 tables. ^^ Also, it was my first day, so I messed up a little bit, but they still tipped!! ;DD

Sorry, I'm just so excited. ^^;

Okay, so I've set a date, also, for when I'm going to see my guy (who I had some major drama with this past Wed/Thurs). I'm flying up to him on May 29th and he's picking me up at the airport for me to spend the entire week with him. ;3 Now, this is provided I get the money for the air fare (probably around $650) and can get the week off from work (which my co-workers are pretty sure I can considering I'll have been working there for about 3 months by the end of that time).

Also, if you EVER take a waitressing job and you haven't ever done it before... There is so much memorization!! I can't believe how much I'm supposed to know off the top of my head. I mean, seriously, I have to memorize the entire lunch menu AND the dinner menu! I think I'll be fine, of course, once I get the hang of it, but it's getting the hang of it that's goign to be really really hard. ^^;

Sorry I didn't write for a while, though. There was so much drama and I didn't feel like I could say everything right here. I'm signing off for now, though, to go eat dinner and relax until I go in early tomorrow morning to do side work. ^^;

I have a job!

2010-02-24T16:56:00.002-06:00

Sorry it's been so long since I've written. ^^;

Anyway, I interviewed for a position as a waitress yesterday and was hired on the spot. I was very excited yesterday and thanking God profusely (I think he had a lot to do with it). I've never waitressed before so it's going to be a very interesting experience, I think. I know most of the money is made through tips, but that's no big, I'm glad I'll be able to have the money more instantly so I know exactly what I have in saving up to see my guy.

I start job training tomorrow at 9:15 AM. Not super early, but earlier than I'm used to getting up. ^^; so tomorrow I'll wake up, get dressed, and head toward the restaurant, do my training (my boss (whose name is Ping, Pam, or Pen, I'm not sure, but I'm leaning toward Pam) said the initial training sessions will last about an hour to an hour and a half), then come home, shower, and likely write. It's a part time job so it'll be a shifting schedule, but that's okay. The restaurant's closed on Mondays so I'll always have that day off (hurray) and that means if my guy wants to talk Sunday nights it'll never be a problem (though he usually just goes to sleep most Sundays now...).

Beyond that we finally get to set a date to go meet! I'm excited but nervous at the same time. I feel like such a burden to everyone I talk to about it, though. ^^; I mean, there are all these questions and possibilities and 'what ifs', both good and bad. Like there's the, "What if he is only interested in me for sex?" and the, "What if we decide we really want to be serious?" There's also the possibility that he won't be able to get that week off from work or that we decide just to be friends (which might might be a little awkward for me) or that he won't like how I smell or that his sister might hate me or...*sigh* if I focus on the negative I'll get myself all worked up again.

So, yeah, I'm going to talk to him tonight and we'll set a date (probably) and then I'll start working toward that goal! So far I'm expecting the plane ticket to be in the $650-$750 range so I'm going to shoot for a nice round middle of $700 and hope that's enough. ^^;;

Remember, tip your waitress. She might be saving up to go see her boyfriend.

The job interview (My life is like an anime)

2010-02-18T18:05:00.002-06:00

So I got up early this morning, got in the shower, and began washing, as I usually do. Except...there was one tiny problem (well, not so 'tiny' to me). I looked back and a roach crawled out of a crack in the wall. Now, y'all probably don't know me very well, but you should know now that I am terrified of roaches. I'm not scared of ghosts, I don't scream at horror movies, I don't get scared from haunted houses, but I will scream and run away at the sight of a roach. I got out of the shower as fast as I could and told my dad so he could fix the crack. Shortly after I went to iron the skirt I was going to wear for the job interview. We keep the iron in an old dish washer that never worked and I went to open it only to have a roach crawl out of it so I screamed and ran away and my dad killed it for me. ^^; Yay for fathers killing roaches!!

Then I ironed my skirt and ate lunch, then got dressed for the interview. After changing into the above-mentioned skirt and a sleeveless black top, I realized I needed to wear a necklace to tie the outfit together, so I began to climb over the mess in my room to get a necklace only to slip and fall, cutting my knee open, scraping my side, and bruising my arm. So, with a half hour before the interview time, I changed my outfit completely, cleaned and bandaged my wounds, and headed to the interview.

When I got there it seemed to be news to them that they had an interview scheduled, but we still had the interview and it was odd because they were asking me questions like, "If you saw a co-worker steal $5 from a register what would you do?" ... Um...that's 'stealing' something. I go to the person, tell them they need to put the $5 back and then go report them to the supervisor. ^^; It's kind of a no-brainer.

Also, they asked me if they'd find out anything I haven't told them by running a background check and, really, they wouldn't. *sigh* Oh well, I didn't get a definitive answer about whether I'll get a job there or not, but hopefully I'll know within the next couple days.

Some news

2010-02-17T22:43:00.002-06:00

Okay! Tomorrow I has job interview! It's at Macy's, actually, as strange as that seems. I applied there during the holidays and didn't get an interview but it looks like they want to interview me now. ^^ Maybe things are looking up a bit.

I took a formal dress to a consignment shop (I need to take more clothes there, but I need to press and hang them first) and they told me that I could get $100 for it! I'm excited, though I know that the money won't come way too quickly. It'll still be something, though, and I'm glad I'm making the effort. I think my boyfriend is happy about it, too, because it'll do something to give me the money toward what I need and he'll be happy to see progress.

Tomorrow I plan to go out, interview for that job, then take some clothes to a consignment shop to get more money. I have to get enough for that plane ticket and landing a job would really help...

Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T13:00:00.002-06:00

I'm so excited! Tonight my boyfriend and I get to have a little bit of an online date. I know it sounds silly, but I look forward to it. It's time spent with him and I love him so much. <3

Anyway, people have told me that since he's been in other physical relationships before that he's going to cheat on me. To them I say, that's crap. He's not uncontrolled, he's not a horrible person. He's smart, kind, gentle, and moral, so why should I be worried about him cheating on me?

See, it's when people say that stuff that it gets you paranoid. I like where I am with things and I know, for a fact, that my boyfriend isn't playing me. *sigh* I think I'll make another post later, just talking about the rest of the day.

Possibilities on the horizon

2010-02-11T18:24:00.002-06:00

There are two jobs I could possibly get this week. I seriously hope that I get at least one. I don't mind having both, either. It would be interesting. I want to get something so that I can go meet my boyfriend this summer. It would be awesome to do, definitely, and I so want to meet him.

But I do have possibilities on my horizon, so I'll hopefully have a job within the next week and if I do then I'm setting a date with my guy to go and meet him. ;3

I'm not one of them.

2010-02-09T12:27:00.002-06:00

So... I know I posted yesterday about the job... Well, I looked on the BBB (Better Business Bureau) website and it turns out the company has a B-. You know why? Mainly because of faulty/invalid employee contracts. ...Yeah, not exactly the place you want to work for, right? They're also not part of the BBB which is not exactly a good thing. So I'm not taking the job. After all, there's a possibility (very strong, from how the conversation went) that I will get a babysitting job next week. So that would be something I enjoy.

Also, last night my boyfriend was the sweetest guy ever. He told me that he was sorry he hadn't been talking but he was a little afraid that, because he didn't have something grand to say, I wouldn't be interested in talking to him. But things are fixed, pretty much, now and we have V-Day plans!!! ;DDDDD

This is my first Valentine's Day with a boyfriend. ^^; I'm excited. ;3

Salesperson?

2010-02-08T18:44:00.002-06:00

So I don't knwo what to do. I was offered this position at this vacuum sales place and I really don't know whether I should take it. I said I would but... I don't know if I could stand it. I know I would probably hate it there so I don't know if I should take it. I'm going to talk it over with my boyfriend tonight and then...and then if I decide it's not a good idea I'll go up to the offices tomorrow and tell them that I'm sorry but I think someone else would be better for that job... *sigh* I feel sick.

Maybe it wasn't such a horrible day after all...

2010-02-08T16:07:00.002-06:00

So I got an interview today, which is awesome. I was so excited. It went fairly well, though I doubt I'll get the position because I don't have experience and...yeah, that's probably why, just like every other job. If I do get it, though, I'll be working 40-60 hour weeks, which I'll be okay with. It'll be a shock to my system, but I'm willing to take it, after all, it'd be $2,000 a month, baseline, and likely more if I made good sales. I find out in two or three hours whether I got it, though. If I didn't get it then that means the search continues and I'll be looking for something else.

I came home, though, and my dad was pissed that I'd interviewed for a sales position and he was like, "Did they try and make you buy anything?" Are you kidding me? If they were trying to make me buy something I wouldn't have interviewed for the position! I would've said, "That isn't for me, sorry," and walked out! Seriously, it's like I'm not even allowed to work now. gah! I don't know... If I get this job the first paycheck is paying for my flight to see my boy, the second is paying off student loans, and the third is getting me the hell out of here.

Happy with my boyfriend

2010-02-06T12:47:00.002-06:00

So yesterday I was a little down... okay, more than a little down, and I sent an e-mail to my boyfriend basically saying I hoped he felt better (he's been feeling a little sluggish lately) and that I hope he has a good weekend because he was probably going to hang out with friends.

Well, he got on Skype about 30 minutes later but I figured he just turned on his work laptop and he wasn't available to chat. So I didn't say anything to him but he messaged me and I had on my status that I wanted cuddles. His response was, "*cuddles* then cuddles you will have." It was sooo sweet! And I thanked him for talking to me during the work day (yes, he was at work) but he said it was slow and he wanted to talk to me and he was sorry he's been so neglectful lately. >w< I love him.

Today, though, I went to a sale at a building near my house to look for a coat. Unfortunately they didn't have any decent ones. =/ So, in a sec, my mom's taking me to go look for a coat at a store and hopefully I'll find one that's winter-worthy. ^^;

So discouraged...

2010-02-05T14:27:00.002-06:00

I've applied for something like 20 jobs (if not more) this week and I've still not gotten one interview. I mean, seriously, what's wrong with me that I can't get anything? I've been applying to jobs since August and I'm not getting anything. Plane ticket costs are about to sky rocket and my boyfriend is paying less attention to me than ever.

I know that just talking isn't the most interesting thing...but I don't have a decent computer and I don't understand Drowtales. What am I supposed to do? He even told me I shouldn't join Drowtales and when I find MMOs that might work on my computers he doesn't want to play them. He's into the ones that have monthly subscriptions and that crap. I don't have anything... it makes me really sad, too, as I feel like maybe he doesn't want to spend time with me. It's very frustrating and depressing.

It seems the rascals have returned.

2010-02-04T14:03:00.002-06:00

A while back we had some issues with our house considering it was built somewhere in the 1800s and, since buying it, we haven't had a lot of money to put into the repair of it. Used to be there were always raccoons or squirrels running around in the attic or crawling in the walls but we got a home equity loan and, therefore, were able to repair the house.

Well, now the day is rainy and cold and...I just heard the animals scampering along up in the attic again. =/ Oh well, at least I know it's not something worse.

But, other than that...I've applied to 18 jobs this week and still not a positive response. I thought about taking the job helping this dude write his novel but when I asked why he was looking for help I was given the response that he's a 'novice' and doesn't know how to write well yet and doesn't know how to write the complexity that the story needs. If that's the case he needs to find something simpler to write now and write the complex one later. After all, it's not fair to get everyone else to write your book for you. Yes, he'll pay, but I'm not sinking to that level, at least not yet.

I mean, seriously, why would I respect a writer who doesn't want to write his own book? i can't! Unless he wants it to be a collaboration and states as such and puts all the names of the authors on the front...I'm not okay with it. ...I should probably e-mail back and tell him so; politely, of course.

Still, I'm jobless for now, so I don't quite know what I'll get to do. I'll continue trying my best, though, and I know I'll turn up with something.

I feel like I'm just...not doing enough.

2010-02-03T13:58:00.002-06:00

I mean...every day I apply for as many jobs as I can, send out my application, look online, go out, take hard copies everywhere and yet I haven't gotten an interview, I haven't gotten anything. It's driving me nuts and I just...I wish I could be up there with him... I feel like I'm not doing enough because I don't have anything to show for my work yet.

However, I've been feeling lonely lately so I told my boyfriend and his response has been to be a little more affectionate/attentive. *blushes* It makes me feel loved. So I'm happy about it. It makes me not feel so lonely anymore.

Ugh...Texas weather and PWI download...

2010-02-01T13:35:00.004-06:00

For anyone who's lived in Texas they know the weather here is bi-polar. I'm not joking. Last year at one point it was 90 degrees (Fahrenheit)in December. O.O

But, seriously, in one day it can go from being below freezing and snowing so it sticks to being 80 degrees and no trace of moisture on the ground. ; ^ ; Right now it's cloudy and (thankfully) around 45 degrees, so not too warm yet, but I'll be it'll get warmer this week, which sucks considering it's still February and I hate it when it gets warm early. But, then again, February is usually the coldest time of the year here...and we have had snow and been iced over before so...finger's crossed!

Oh! And I applied for a couple freelance writing jobs yesterday. Haven't heard back from them yet but I hope to soon. I'd like to make a little bit of money since nothing has been coming, thus far, to supplement my coming trip to Canada. So the visit just keeps getting pushed farther and farther back. ; ^ ; My boyfriend says he doesn't mind and good things are worth the wait but it's hard to wait. And this is the first time I've ever been impatient about things!

Beyond that my friend and I decided to try out Perfect World International (PWI), a free MMORPG, but I started downloading last night (paused it so the screen wouldn't keep me up all night) and it's STILL saying I need to wait 6 hours. =/ I've heard it has awesome customization, but I'm just really hoping it works on my comp.

Val (my laptop) is a Dell Inspiron 1525 and, let me tell you, she is really bad. 1.73 GHz processor and only 1 GB of RAM, running Vista. =/ AND I've had to replace the fan, replace the hinges on the left side TWICE, and completely wipe it by re-installing the OS twice because it's crashed on me. Now take into account that the first crash and both hinge replacements came into being before 6 months was up of owning it and...yeah, it's a pretty sucky computer. Even Netbooks have more power than this laptop, which is sad to say the least.

I'm trying to convince my boyfriend to send me one of his laptops (he builds computers for fun) but he's worried it would get destroyed in the shipping. Oh well.

BUT! Valentine's day is less than 2 weeks away (13 days) and I'm looking forward to having my first Valentine's day as a couple!! Except...we haven't planned anything and we aren't going to be together in the same place...and I don't think he's sending me anything (I put a card in the mail last week because I know how long snail mail takes to get from Texas to Alberta). Maybe he'll video with me... That would be nice.

Anyway, I gotta go search for more jobs. Wish me luck!

Cut off their limbs!!

2010-01-30T15:15:00.002-06:00

lol, wow, that title probably seemed to come a little bit out of nowhere, right? ^^;;

I'm a video gamer and have been since age 3 (yes, instead of prancing around in frilly princess dresses I wanted to be a ninja...or a robot...or something with a lethal weapon). Unfortunately I've never had the income to really sustain any serious habit (or maybe that's a fortunate thing). Either way, last night one of my best friends came over for the night and brought with her a PS3 and Dead Space.

Dead Space is about a repair ship that gets a distress signal from a mining vessel and goes to help them only to find that the entire crew (except for a few of them) are dead and have turned into these mutated zombie like creatures called necromorphs. They travel through the vents and even sneak up behind you. It's a 3rd person shooter and I loved it, even though I typically hate shooters (I just never developed a talent for it, I love watching them, though).

Anyway, my friend and I are horror movie buffs and we don't typically scare easily (we laughed at 30 Days of Night) but she warned me before hand that she even jumped a few times when she was playing it before, so we hooked the PS3 up and put it in. I didn't play for long as the controls are decidedly for right handed players and the placement of the character on the screen as well as the camera controls threw me off more than a bit. Still, it was so much fun but it made us jump and, at one point, even scream!

Like, the first time the necromorphs came in you don't have a weapon and you have to run and I was trying to run but, because of the controls, I couldn't see where I was going and she was screaming at me to run and I was screaming back, "I AM!!" haha, it was much fun. And the things travel through the vents. Well, it's a mining ship so they have a lot of vents so, sometimes, the creatures just burst out of the vents and start attacking. You have to cut off their limbs to kill them, though, and the game makes that extremely clear. You can even decapitate them and they'll still come after you, but you have to cut off their arms and legs and some of them even regenerate, which sucks because you can think you killed them and then they attack you from behind.

Still, we had SO much fun. I loved it.

As far as things with my boyfriend go... *blushes* I think they're going better. I was just really upset and depressed and he wasn't in a good mood so that's why things weren't...happy between us, if that makes sense. But I accidentally sent him a message last night when I was trying to message another friend. He was cool about and, instead of getting annoyed and telling me he wanted to hang out with his friends and not be bothered right now (like he sometimes does when he's pissed), said, "I love you." I apologized for accidentally sending him a message and he replied with, "I don't mind, it let me know you were on so I could tell you I love you. ^^" And then he was happy that my friend and I decided to dismember necromorphs. haha, he's a video gamer too, so it works out.

Oh well, I have a shot at a job interview this coming week so I'm hoping I get it. I would love to get a job and be able to make the money to go see my boyfriend. I know I can do it.

Oh my gosh!

2010-01-28T16:02:00.002-06:00

So...wow...people actually read this! I'm excited! ;D

Anyway, I'm currently going through survey sites and, who knew, you can actually get money from some of them. I don't recommend signing up for any that require payment as they're very likely scams, but I've earned about $20 from taking surveys and the like so I encourage you, if you can, sign up for some of these. Yes, I'm blatantly advertising here. I use Vindale Research and they're pretty good... If you follow the link below it'll take you to a sign out/trial for it and it'll give me more for recruiting you! ;3 I know, I know, I'm shameless. But it'll help me get to Canada, I think, and that's something I seriously want.

Vindale

Yeah, that's the link USE IT! ...Please? *puppy dog eyes* It will help you and me.

Relationship issues

2010-01-27T00:35:00.002-06:00

I love Alex...very much. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone before. I know he loves me, I know he wants to make me happy, I know he cares about me deeply. I'm just frightened right now.

See, I know he's giving up a lot to be in this relationship. He's giving up a chance with someone closer, he's giving up his promise to himself, he's giving up some of his security, and his fears. These are not small things and, by no means, am I taking this for granted since I know, for certain, that he would not do this for someone he doesn't care about. However, I'm giving up my security, my fears, quite possibly my homeland, any close proximity to my family and friends, and my knowledge of my surroundings. I don't think either sacrifice is more dire than the other, so I can't say, "Oh, he should give up more" or "I'm not giving up enough."

I don't know, I just...I've been under so much stress and so much stuff lately that I just can't... I don't know what to do. I think I'm at my breaking point, which isn't a fun place to be, and I just want to be in his arms and safe.

=/ This is getting discouraging.

2010-01-25T16:15:00.002-06:00

I have no job and I've been trying for months to find one. I just filled out 11 applications today. Unfortunately for me, though, I have no car. Having no car in a city that has a sucky public transit system makes getting to the mall to turn in said 11 applications impossible unless I want to walk all the way there and with my low blood sugar and iron count...yeah, that ain't happenin'.

I just wish I'd get a lucky break for once and be able to make enough money to buy a plane ticket to Edmonton. I know that after a week's visit I'll have to come back and try to start all over again, but...I mean, what do I do? I've tried everything and nothing's working. *sigh*

SMS and Last night

2010-01-24T16:44:00.003-06:00

So I FINALLY got my SMS to work... I hope... I'll have to wait until my boyfriend has a reason to text me which, hopefully, won't take way too long. >.>

Anyway, last night I was feeling VERY much upset because of the things my friend said to me yesterday and I just wanted to talk to my boyfriend but he hangs out with his friends on the weekends so he was gaming/watching movies, etc. However, we decided that he would text me before he went to bed so I could get on video chat with him and we could fall asleep together. Except the stupid SMS wouldn't work. >.<>

In the morning I asked him if he minded if we talked a little before I had to get up (I go to church on Sunday mornings) so he said that was fine and we talked about what my friend said and he told me that, even if she was saying things to try and help me in some way, what she said was hurtful and I should talk to her about it. ...I think he's right...

So I spent the afternoon filling out job applications. >.<;; Twas not the most fun thing in the world, but it will hopefully help me get to Canada.

OH! OH! OH! And check out DBSK's newest MV! It shows all their fears and stuff and is really creepy but awesome at the same time! >w<>

Breakout

A little negativity hurts quite a bit.

2010-01-23T17:49:00.002-06:00

I have a great friend who I've known since we were 11 (so...9 years). Sometimes we butt heads but we generally get along pretty well. In our circle of friends I'm the negotiator/counselor and she's the mother hen, but I'm a lot more optimistic than she and very idealistic and I dream and make plans that I might not be able to pull off all the time. However, there are dreams i've had my entire life that I know I'll be able to pull off. One of them is getting published and another is moving to another country (my focus has been on Canada since I was around...9?).

Lately, though I'm still looking for a job, I've been getting closer and closer to my goal of visiting Canada and meeting my boyfriend as well as finishing my book for good and getting it published.

But today I got together with this friend and we went out to lunch. When I brought up publishing a book she told me I wouldn't be able to because I haven't been published before, and then the conversation switched to my boyfriend...she said that he won't stay with me, he'll just abandon me, because we're not close distance yet, and then the conversation switched to my plans to move and she told me I wouldn't be able to because, "It's too hard to get a visa."

It...kinda hurt that she treated the situation like that. I mean, she's been my friend for 9 years so you would think I'm used to it by now but...not really. I'm really frustrated now because she treated me like I will never do what I want to do because she's too scared to do it herself. *sigh* I want to talk to my boyfriend (and we're scheduled for an all-nighter tonight) and he'll probably cheer me up.

Net was down. ; ^ ; & Conventions

2010-01-22T16:14:00.002-06:00

Last night the net at my boyfriend's place was down so we didn't get to talk. Kinda sucked but he is right in what he said. It's not something we can change at the moment but we can make up for it later. I look forward to spending an entire night on video with him soon.

Other than that...my friends are really kinda pressuring me to go to A-Kon this year. No, I'm not talking about the rapper, I'm talking about the anime convention in Dallas. I haven't gone to a con since the '07 A-Kon but I'd like to attend another one if I had friends to go with ('if' being the key phrase here). I love watching anime and reading manga though I'm not a huge collector and am thinking about selling the 8 DeathNote manga I have so far. I kinda fell out of that series. ^^; Still, if I were to go I have no idea who/What I'd be and I wouldn't want to be without talking to my boyfriend for an entire weekend (though I'm sure he'd be hanging out with friends) so I'd take my laptop along with me. We'll just have to see how it goes. I won't be Integra again considering that I don't want to wear a business suit again. @.@ That sucked.

Anyway, I need a job before I decide any of this.

Emotionally draining night

2010-01-21T12:15:00.003-06:00

Last night we had a freaking horrible night. It started with a severe thunderstorm watch which is normal and I don't mind those, but 'severe thunderstorm' turned into 'tornado' and 'watch' became 'warning.'

That means we cleared out my brother's closet (the most interior room in our house) and got our security precautions ready. I had my cell phone and my iPod Touch (considering it can pick up WiFi so if, God forbid, our house was destroyed, we'd be able to do simple things like check on news and check and send e-mail once we got to a WiFi place), as well as my cell phone charger and my flashlight. We all got semi-heavy coats in case we didn't have a roof over our heads at the end of the night, and my brother got us all thermoses of water and he got some bread and animal crackers so that, if worst came to worst, we'd have something to eat, at least. We had the news station on turned up so we could hear it in the back room and I was constantly getting calls from one of my best friends because her power went out and she and her family needed to know what was going on.

Then, all of a sudden, it was all over and everything was back to normal.

It's such a strange thing, though, because everything's fine, and then, all of a sudden, there's so much stress and so much uncertainty. After all, if a tornado hits then the house might not stand, someone might get hurt or killed, we could lose everything, and if it doesn't hit then nothing changes. And then, in a matter of seconds after minutes (sometimes hours) of waiting, it's over. Last night my emotions were just...gone. I was so wiped out.

Oh, and my poor boyfriend! Ugh, I didn't know whether our power was gonna go out or if we'd even have a house or anything by the end of the night so I texted him to tell him we were in a tornado warning and, depending on the outcome, we might not be able to talk for days. I think he was more worried than he'd like to admit because when I texted to tell him we'd pulled through fine he texted back saying how he was so happy and he wanted me to be okay. Then, when we finally talked last night, his first question was: "Are you okay?" I love him. He's so kind and considerate.

Anyway, it looks like we're fine. The hail hit the south part of town pretty bad and I think a tornado went just south of us, but, thankfully, we weren't hit.

But I figured I'd give some safety tips for people who might not know how to handle themselves in a tornado. ^^;
-Find the most interior room of your house, away from windows, away from the outdoors, basements are good as long as there are no windows.
-Clear away anything that could hit you, fall on you, etc, you don't want to get hurt.
-Take only things that you can carry and things that will be useful if all goes badly and your house is destroyed.
-stay tuned in (if you can) to a local radio station or TV news station, turn it up loud if you can't have the radio in the room with you just so you can hear what is going on.
-When a tornado hits bunker down, crouch on the floor and protect your head and neck with your arms or something that can withstand a little more. This way if something comes flying and hits you it won't hurt you as badly.
-No matter how warm it is outside grab a heavy jacket or coat in case you don't have a roof to sleep under that night.
-If you're religious (and even if you're not) PRAY!

"We'd probably end up homeless" and the Wilhelm Scream

2010-01-20T13:57:00.006-06:00

So a lot has happened in the last couple days. =/ Most of it not so good.

Day before yesterday (that would be...Monday? yeah, MLK Day) my ex (J) contacted me. All the message (it was a comment on my profile) was, "Long time no talk." Well, duh, he told me he didn't want to talk to me, and, on top of that, he was neglectful, deceitful, and slightly verbally abusive! What did he expect?

Well, I (against the better judgement of my gut) messaged him back. I told him we hadn't talked in a while because, well, he indicated he didn't want to. He replied with a rather long reply that I'm still trying to figure out whether it was bullcrap or not. In the end, though, he agreed to answer all my questions and said he wanted to try and be friends again. I told him I am currently in a relationship and I'm not pursuing him romantically at all.

Yesterday we talked for a good hour. The entire time I had this tight feeling in my chest and I felt like I was about to throw up. In fact, I still feel slightly like that now whenever I think of it. I don't hate the guy, but he treated me like crap and his explanations for doing so aren't passable! Gah...

On top of that, my oldest brother got robbed at gun point, my cousin's getting married in two months, and a person who used to be a friend but pushed me to pursue abusive relationships and be sexually corrupt contacted me yesterday. I was a real mess when my boyfriend finally got online that night, but he wanted to video so that did cheer me up slightly.

We know we can't REALLY be serious if we don't meet first (which is why I'm STILL trying to get a job, haven't had luck yet) and we want to meet and decide that so we can either pursue a serious relationship or move on and just be really good friends. Still, he could tell I was sad and we started talking about a whole bunch of stuff. He tried to cheer me up and, for a little bit, that didn't work.

Then he said, "You think too much and you worry too much. You should be like me and not plan ahead or think about things very much! Fly by the seat of your pants!"

My response was, "Yes, but if we were both like that and we ended up in a serious relationship, can you imagine what that would be like?"

He was like, "Ohh...that would NOT end well... We'd end up homeless, on the streets. Where will our next food come from? Where will we get our money? Will it be a part time job? Are we gonna rob a bank? We don't know! 'Cause we don't plan ahead."

Of course, I can't add his inflections or movements into text but it was hilarious. It made me smile and I said, "See? That's why it's good that I think ahead." He just smiled. I honestly think that, maybe, we'll end up together. It would be a really nice change from both our relationship histories. But it also made me happy because, no matter how silly it was or jokingly that conversation was contrived, it means he does sometimes think of how we would be together. That means a lot considering that's something I think about or daydream about at least once every couple days. We both know we want to get married and have kids so... we're emotionally mature enough to think about that stuff, I'm pretty sure.

Other than that, we talked about the Wilhelm scream. Anyone heard of that before? I think I'd heard of it but never knew what it was. I think everyone's probably heard it. You know, the silly scream people use in movies that makes no sense whatsoever? Here, I'll give you a link...

Wilhelm Scream Compilation

Hope that makes someone's day a little brighter. ^^

Expenses and interesting story plots

2010-01-17T20:29:00.003-06:00

So I'm looking at what I need for Edmonton. My boyfriend, I think, is right. I should let him pay for at least the hotel and some of the food. I love him so I don't want to take advantage of him, but he's offering to pay for the hotel so I suppose I should take him up on that, no?

Grr. >.<

No, but, seriously, I'm willing to work at some place like McDonald's or Burger King as long as they give me enough hours. I'll be outta there by the end of March if they do. And then I'll have more work experience under my belt and I can continue my search for an actual job while I'm in Canada and while I'm working a crappy job. This is gonna be hard, but I know I can do it.

This weekend, though, I was watching Tenchi Universe with two of my best friends. I grew up watching Tenchi Muyo, Tenchi Universe, and Tenchi in Tokyo, so I'm familiar with all the storylines and characters, but something occurred to me. They don't have many new characters in each series! It's the same ones over and over.

THAT got me thinking... hmm, if I can create characters I actually enjoy (like I have) and get to the point that I have more than one storyline I want them to go on (which I do) then why not use the same characters in several different books/series? Not to say I'll NEVER create a new character or a new set of characters, but I absolutely love some of the ones that I have now and I should use them. They're perfectly good. All I have to do is change around the background a little. ^^ YAY IDEAS! Yay anime. o.O

Over excited boyfriend

2010-01-16T20:51:00.002-06:00

Going to another country is rather... complicated, apparently. And I decided to make a spreadsheet of expenses for this kind of trip including things like airfare, hotel costs, etc. While I'm there I won't have to spend but probably two nights in a hotel as the rest of them I'll be staying at my boyfriend's house. ...Except he apparently doesn't want me to raise the extra money. o.O

It's kinda annoying, but, at the same time cute, I guess. I started talking about all the things i needed to have extra income for and he responded by telling me I just needed money for the airfare and that was all. Heh, silly boy. I'm not going to another country without some extra money. If I could I'd get the ticket right now... but that requires me actually having money. Unfortunately I don't really have that commodity at the moment. Maybe once I get a job I will, but someone has to actually want to hire me for that to happen. >.<

Still, I'm going to save up a little extra for that trip because I hate being a burden.

Mr. Nice Guy

2010-01-14T14:39:00.002-06:00

I know a lot about depression as I've had a few bouts of it in my life time, the first one being in high school, and the rest coming later. Honestly, I think that medication should only be used in cases of chronic depression or serious cases, and always in conjunction with therapy. Of course, I'm in no way, shape, or form an expert, nor am I a psychologist, but I have seen the effects of depression medication on people who did not need it and, trust me, it's not pretty.

To the point, though, lately I've been depressed as I have been actively trying for months to find a job and have not found one at all. I try at the retail places and they say I seem like a great person but I don't have retail experience. I try at the offices and they say I would probably work great but I don't have previous office experience. It's frustrating. On top of that I really can't connect to my parents on very many levels and they seem to think they know every little bit of how it feels to go through my life but they haven't had the same experiences I have and, therefore, they don't. They don't want me to grow up, either. I'm their youngest child and only girl so it's not like they're likely to let go anytime soon. Beyond that, I'm also nervous about going up to Canada and wondering, "What if I don't get up there fast enough?" What if my boyfriend meets someone else before we meet in person? All those horrible ideas.

In case you can't tell, I worry too much.

Anyway, last night my boyfriend got on video chat with me. We haven't done it since... Monday, so not too long ago, but it always makes things... not as hard when we can see and hear and interact with one another in that way. He could tell something was up and he finally got it out of me. He sighed and said, "Dear, you have nothing to worry about." He told me that I shouldn't worry so much about it. He's right, I guess. Whatever happens happens and we can't control the world around us, really, in any capacity.

It's at times like these I'm very glad I'm dating a nice guy. Seriously, he's extremely kind and I love him very much. (Yes, LOVE, I said it.) He's exactly the kind of guy I like. So I'm lucky we found each other and I do believe in fate and I believe he was put in my life and I in his. So, fingers crossed, hopefully this will work out well.

My introduction...

2010-01-13T16:40:00.000-06:00

So I'm just going to start this off with a little bit about me so that, maybe, I won't have to do way too much back-tracking later on. ^^;

I'm a writer who happens to be in her early 20s. I suppose I can call myself an 'author' considering I have finished a novel. However, I have yet to be published so I'm not quite sure whether to claim that title just yet. In fact, I think I'll wait. But the title of 'author' is one I've wanted since I was a very small child. While my parents hoped I'd go into a more...financially sound career, I really do enjoy writing and, even if I don't make millions with my work, I'm going to write anyway. It's a great form of expression and I really do love having that freedom.

So, throughout my blog, I will talk quite a bit about writing, what it means to me, and where I am in my writing processes, though I'm not sharing my characters or my plotlines considering I don't entirely trust the internet. Sorry guys. ^^;

I grew up in a small city in East Texas and, believe me, it's rather boring here. I don't enjoy living in a place where everyone knows, or has heard of, one's family and one cannot break out of the boundaries of the expectations of one's society easily. See, I was born in the same house I still live in now (yes, I live with my parents currently, but that will change quite soon) and it's frustrating to grow up in a rather confined place, go to school with the exact same people from Pre-K through 12th grade, and never be able to escape. There's a feeling about the city that drives younger generations crazy with the need to run from this place and get away as quickly as possible, at least, if they've spent their lives here. A fear seems to have infested our minds that if we don't get out as soon as humanly possible we'll be stuck here for the rest of our mortal lives.

So I suppose my blog will also focus on my attempts to leave this place and find out where to settle next, though I really hope to find a way to put down roots completely in the next few years considering the fact I'm not keen on moving way too much.

The last area of interest, I suppose, is my 'love life.' =/ No, no, I have one, but I just dislike the term. ^^; but it's the only one I can even think of using so... it will remain.

I'm in love with a man who lives in Alberta, Canada. You can call me insane if you wish, and I'll likely agree with you, but I'm dating someone who lives nearly 3,000 miles away from me. An entire country apart. Maybe this merits a little bit of an explanation...

My relationships in the past have not been, in any way, shape, or form, healthy. My first two were abusive, extremely abusive, and the third was neglectful to the point of abandonment. Thankfully I never gave myself to those men, but I am ashamed of how I acted in those situations. I may not have been 'in the wrong' in most people's perspective, but I could've (and should've) done much more to protect myself and support my morals throughout them. Then, perhaps, my current man wouldn't have gone through so much stress and worry at the beginning of our relationship.

Enough about that part of it, though.

I am part of Gaia Online and my current boyfriend was, as well (for the security of both our identities, I'll simply call him A). I created an RP (Role Play) in the early fall of 2008 and he joined rather late in the game. However, he made the plot MUCH more interesting and I loved his characters. So we began talking outside of the RP, only a little, talking about light things in life, not even scratching the surface on anything deep, and he joined my newest RP so we had even more reason to talk.

At that time his then-fiancée was betraying him very badly and I was in the first abusive relationship. Though I only spoke of problems with my parents and school, I seriously wanted to tell him everything I was going through with my boyfriend at the time. Instead, I just listened to him as he told me how much his fiancée hurt him and offered a secure and friendly relationship (at that time we were not interested in each other romantically, we were just very much the same and we both needed a friend). By December we became fed up with talking over PMs and switched to talking on MSN and we became closer because I had just been abandoned by my second boyfriend and I needed someone to lean on and he'd just broken up with his fiancée because she refused to change.

As I went into my third relationship I was having panic attacks nightly that lasted for at least an hour each. My [current] boyfriend is the only person I turned to and we talked for hours every night because he was depressed and needed someone as well and he wanted to help me. He heard everything as it happened with my then-boyfriend (I'll call him J), including the entire month J didn't talk to me, the lies he fed me [that I justified] and A stood by me the entire time, supporting me and trying to help me become independent (I had an extreme submissive complex).

I became...semi-interested in becoming intimate with A considering that I'd been almost catatonic for most of December and some of January and we started talking even while he was in class during the day (I'd dropped out of college considering I sort of failed out of too many classes, so I had my days free). He began flirting with me rather heavily and I asked him whether he liked me and he said, "I don't know, I'll tell you when I figure it out." A couple nights later, he said, "I have something to tell you..." I told him to go on, even though I could tell he was kind of nervous, and he finally continued with, "I think I love you."

...

Now, remember, I was in a relationship (if you can call it that) at the time and I didn't want to betray J, but I had to admit to myself that was developing feelings for A. Still, instead of admitting that to him, I told him, "The only way I could be with you is if things didn't work out between me and J and I moved to Canada." A seemed kind of down, but he tried to play it off.

The relationship I had with J was an online one (J lived in California) and I hadn't talked to him via voice chat, video chat, or phone yet. When I had a chance to, though, he refused to, so I asked A if he wanted to instead and he was enthusiastic about the idea. So, in late January/early February we talked on voice chat for the first time and we had so much fun. We kept talking on it several times a week, trying to keep it a secret from my parents, and, a little after Valentine's Day, I admitted to A that I had feelings for him. He seemed excited about it, but he encouraged me not to go after him unless my relationship with J was ended.

Well, in March, J started feeding me a lot more lies and I figured out one of them, that was quite a large one, and I broke things off with him. For a couple weeks after that I was more depressed than usual, though I tried to pretend not to be. In early April, A and I started talking about 'what ifs' with us. Like, "What if I went up there to meet you? What would we do?" and we made up scenarios and the 'what ifs' turned into 'when.' Then, in May, we began video chatting and we were unofficially together. He helped me through some of the darkest times in my life and worked with me, listening to everything my previous boyfriends had done to me, assuring me it wasn't my fault, encouraging me to overcome it.

In August we decided to make it official. No, we aren't public with it yet, we're waiting until we wait for that one, but we know that we're in a relationship, which is what matters. But as I began to really heal from all the pain my previous relationships caused, I learned some things about A that I didn't actually like too much. However, everyone has flaws and I can't go through life putting every guy I'm with on a pedestal and I'd rather confront the problems now than find them out way later down the road. So I've learned to live with the things I don't like about him, and he's learned to live with the things he doesn't like about me.

Hopefully, we'll be meeting in the first full week of April. He lives near a city I've wanted to visit for a while (and possibly move to), so we would spend part of the week in the city and the other part in his hometown. First, though, I have to land another job. I worked a fast food joint for the month of August but, due to some issues, I left there and have been looking for work ever since. =/ Oh well, God will provide.

Sorry this post was so long. Others won't be this long, I promise, unless it's something like me meeting him (yeah, the week I do that I probably won't be posting whatsoever). Anyway, hope I can entertain and give advice and whatnot. Have fun!

~LMCheron